showing up is half the battle

There is a saying "Showing up is half the battle."
Is it true? You can't win a fight you don't show up to, but, by the same token, you can't lose it either.

Today I ran. I did not want to run. I knew that was okay because it seems that anything worthwhile often involves a lot of work before any real pay off. Often the afterglow of a good run/workout makes you wonder why you don't do it all the time let alone hem and haw over getting out there this time. You ask yourself , why you aren't eager all the time. On the trail often you can find peace with what is bothering you or you let it go, at least for a while. Not only is all is right in the world, you can handle anything else that may come. I look for that feeling when I run.

Today was different. I've had some big family issues that have been getting me down of late. some may even say making me depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed today but Andre was expecting me and I hoped that running would help me out of my funk. I went and met Andre to run.

As I walked up Andre asked me what was wrong and my response was I'm fine. He told me that I was walking like I was all depressed. I was. I said I was fine. Off we went to the Lakeshore Running Trail. I told him I really didn't want to run and He agreed. These first weeks aren't easy to stay motivated for. You hope for results faster. You're discouraged when fatigue and soreness set in. You want each run to be a personal best and that just doesn't happen. You realize it is work. hopefully, you keep doing the work.

Today's run was the worst run I may have EVER had. I was slow. I was sore. I couldn't get my breathing right. The cadence of my step was wrong, I couldn't find my rhythm. All I wanted to do was quit. I wanted to walk off the trail and go home. Eat a big cheeseburger and an entire bag of chips. I wanted to give up.

That was strange to me. I have found for me, that running involves a tremendous amount of will. You push yourself to the next water fountain, the next walk period, to the next step, and you finish that run. You don't think of the enormity of the run. You stay in that moment, that step. Today I couldn't and everything was off. My back hurt, my ankle hurt, my knee hurt, I couldn't breathe, I was slow. I felt like I couldn't go on. I showed up, but that was only half the battle. I WAS LOSING.

I ran, not quitting because I knew what that would mean to me. If I gave up it was over, on so many levels. I pushed on, just trying not to quit. I was trying not to let Andre down. I was trying to not be a quitter. I was trying, but it was just so hard. Do you want to stop here and walk? NO! That isn't where we stop, Keep going. I'm sorry I'm so slow today Andre. That's fine just keep going. A half mile, A whole mile, A mile and a half. Now we walk. Before that would have been quitting. We aren't quitters anymore. Two miles, want to walk? NO, we finish now.

When we hit the two and a half mile mark and I was ready to turn around for the last half mile, Andre pushed us maybe 10 yards more, to my protest, and then we went into the last leg of the run. I complained that we turn around back here and all he said to me was, "NOT TODAY!"

How did he know? I swore at him. I hated him. I pushed on. I let go. All that had been holding me back started to fall away. My breathing improved. My head was up. I was chopping up my steps. Pumping my arms. I was loose. I had been tight that whole run. My form was good and my pain was gone. I was running. I was faster. I could see the finish and I wanted it. I didn't just want it to end, I wanted to finish it and strong. Now I was encouraging Dre to run a little faster, to finish strong, to sprint across that finish line. I had finally shown up and I was happy to be there.

We finished strong and went on to a good workout after the run and I was able to push Andre to do better.
We were disappointed in our time, but that's okay. We knew we pushed ourselves and had a good workout. We knew we grew as athletes, runners, men, and as people.

Showing up IS half the battle and doing, finishing is the other half. Showing up is more than just a physical presence. Showing up is an attitude, I'm here to do it. I'm here to win, to conquer. You need that in order to finish. Sometimes you quit before you ever start and even if you are there every day, have you really shown up? I was "there", but not really. I didn't show up until mile 2.5. Let me tell you though, after that it was on. I ran. I ran hard. I ran good. What a shame I wasted the first 2/3rds of the run.

I'm glad I showed up in body for my spirit never would have arrived otherwise. I just hope to learn from this and get my head and soul into it right away from now on. Get out there even when you don't want to, just look for that big part of you that makes it all real and put it out there. I was glad for it and you will be too.