There is a saying "Showing up is half the battle."
Is it true? You can't win a fight you don't show up to, but, by the same token, you can't lose it either.
Today I ran. I did not want to run. I knew that was okay because it seems that anything worthwhile often involves a lot of work before any real pay off. Often the afterglow of a good run/workout makes you wonder why you don't do it all the time let alone hem and haw over getting out there this time. You ask yourself , why you aren't eager all the time. On the trail often you can find peace with what is bothering you or you let it go, at least for a while. Not only is all is right in the world, you can handle anything else that may come. I look for that feeling when I run.
Today was different. I've had some big family issues that have been getting me down of late. some may even say making me depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed today but Andre was expecting me and I hoped that running would help me out of my funk. I went and met Andre to run.
As I walked up Andre asked me what was wrong and my response was I'm fine. He told me that I was walking like I was all depressed. I was. I said I was fine. Off we went to the Lakeshore Running Trail. I told him I really didn't want to run and He agreed. These first weeks aren't easy to stay motivated for. You hope for results faster. You're discouraged when fatigue and soreness set in. You want each run to be a personal best and that just doesn't happen. You realize it is work. hopefully, you keep doing the work.
Today's run was the worst run I may have EVER had. I was slow. I was sore. I couldn't get my breathing right. The cadence of my step was wrong, I couldn't find my rhythm. All I wanted to do was quit. I wanted to walk off the trail and go home. Eat a big cheeseburger and an entire bag of chips. I wanted to give up.
That was strange to me. I have found for me, that running involves a tremendous amount of will. You push yourself to the next water fountain, the next walk period, to the next step, and you finish that run. You don't think of the enormity of the run. You stay in that moment, that step. Today I couldn't and everything was off. My back hurt, my ankle hurt, my knee hurt, I couldn't breathe, I was slow. I felt like I couldn't go on. I showed up, but that was only half the battle. I WAS LOSING.
I ran, not quitting because I knew what that would mean to me. If I gave up it was over, on so many levels. I pushed on, just trying not to quit. I was trying not to let Andre down. I was trying to not be a quitter. I was trying, but it was just so hard. Do you want to stop here and walk? NO! That isn't where we stop, Keep going. I'm sorry I'm so slow today Andre. That's fine just keep going. A half mile, A whole mile, A mile and a half. Now we walk. Before that would have been quitting. We aren't quitters anymore. Two miles, want to walk? NO, we finish now.
When we hit the two and a half mile mark and I was ready to turn around for the last half mile, Andre pushed us maybe 10 yards more, to my protest, and then we went into the last leg of the run. I complained that we turn around back here and all he said to me was, "NOT TODAY!"
How did he know? I swore at him. I hated him. I pushed on. I let go. All that had been holding me back started to fall away. My breathing improved. My head was up. I was chopping up my steps. Pumping my arms. I was loose. I had been tight that whole run. My form was good and my pain was gone. I was running. I was faster. I could see the finish and I wanted it. I didn't just want it to end, I wanted to finish it and strong. Now I was encouraging Dre to run a little faster, to finish strong, to sprint across that finish line. I had finally shown up and I was happy to be there.
We finished strong and went on to a good workout after the run and I was able to push Andre to do better.
We were disappointed in our time, but that's okay. We knew we pushed ourselves and had a good workout. We knew we grew as athletes, runners, men, and as people.
Showing up IS half the battle and doing, finishing is the other half. Showing up is more than just a physical presence. Showing up is an attitude, I'm here to do it. I'm here to win, to conquer. You need that in order to finish. Sometimes you quit before you ever start and even if you are there every day, have you really shown up? I was "there", but not really. I didn't show up until mile 2.5. Let me tell you though, after that it was on. I ran. I ran hard. I ran good. What a shame I wasted the first 2/3rds of the run.
I'm glad I showed up in body for my spirit never would have arrived otherwise. I just hope to learn from this and get my head and soul into it right away from now on. Get out there even when you don't want to, just look for that big part of you that makes it all real and put it out there. I was glad for it and you will be too.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
running makes things real, very real
today was an interesting day on the trail.
For the first time since we started running about two weeks ago someone joined us. That was cool as we have given an open invitation to any who would like to run with us via our Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Running-after-our-Youth/347607825261137 , and now officially on this blog. All level of runners are welcome. We are still beginners and we encourage non-runners to start and seasoned runners to come and help us along. It is a challenge for us but may not be anything but a light easy jog for many. It is still great to get out there, together, to run, no matter your fitness level.
The thing about running is, even with, maybe especially with a running partner is that it is a very personal sport. You are out there running, and if you are laying it out, not noticing or caring how people perceive you. Yes, ego plays a part, do they think I'm slow? Am I holding them back? These kind of things aren't what I mean. When you are really out there and if you are a runner you know what I mean, You don't worry how you look, you grunt, you swear, you get angry, and you talk trash, if you have a partner to each other or if you run alone to yourself. There are times I will tell those I run with I hate them, that I want to quit, and whine like a baby. I've been told by a friend that running is the one sport you can't lie to yourself about. If you do you know it. You can't blame others. It's on you, there isn't a team. Did you really do it?
When you are out on the trail you really see yourself, and those who run with you do too. Andre and Ryan have seen me at my best and my worse. Andre and my brother were there last year when I injured myself and limped and then dragged a bad leg for about 18 miles. I was angry when spectators cheered me on. These strangers didn't know that I had already failed in my eyes. Andre and my brother both could have run a much better race but stuck by me until around mile 21 when I was able to convince Andre to go finish his first marathon and my brother was able to convince me that I should drop out and stuck by me even though he could have easily finished. I hated doing that but that is a subject for another posting. My point about that race is that a bond was forged through what was at that point mutual suffering that is very powerful. The bond forged, the friendship forged by training together, running together, working hard and seeing each other as raw as you probably ever will makes for friendships that are much more real than the having beer after work ever will be. I think perhaps even comparable to those of childhood friendship.
If you come out to run with us, just to train, to run a few races, to do the big one in October, be ready. Be ready to learn about yourself. Be ready to know more about me than you really wanted to, see more than you wanted to. Be ready to work, to suffer, to grow, to achieve, to laugh, yell, grunt, fart, fight, push, be pushed, and become better than you've ever been. Most importantly be ready to make some lifelong friends.
I look forward to you coming out. It will probably not be what you expect but it will be everything you make it.
It will definitely be an experience I will cherish
For the first time since we started running about two weeks ago someone joined us. That was cool as we have given an open invitation to any who would like to run with us via our Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Running-after-our-Youth/347607825261137 , and now officially on this blog. All level of runners are welcome. We are still beginners and we encourage non-runners to start and seasoned runners to come and help us along. It is a challenge for us but may not be anything but a light easy jog for many. It is still great to get out there, together, to run, no matter your fitness level.
The thing about running is, even with, maybe especially with a running partner is that it is a very personal sport. You are out there running, and if you are laying it out, not noticing or caring how people perceive you. Yes, ego plays a part, do they think I'm slow? Am I holding them back? These kind of things aren't what I mean. When you are really out there and if you are a runner you know what I mean, You don't worry how you look, you grunt, you swear, you get angry, and you talk trash, if you have a partner to each other or if you run alone to yourself. There are times I will tell those I run with I hate them, that I want to quit, and whine like a baby. I've been told by a friend that running is the one sport you can't lie to yourself about. If you do you know it. You can't blame others. It's on you, there isn't a team. Did you really do it?
When you are out on the trail you really see yourself, and those who run with you do too. Andre and Ryan have seen me at my best and my worse. Andre and my brother were there last year when I injured myself and limped and then dragged a bad leg for about 18 miles. I was angry when spectators cheered me on. These strangers didn't know that I had already failed in my eyes. Andre and my brother both could have run a much better race but stuck by me until around mile 21 when I was able to convince Andre to go finish his first marathon and my brother was able to convince me that I should drop out and stuck by me even though he could have easily finished. I hated doing that but that is a subject for another posting. My point about that race is that a bond was forged through what was at that point mutual suffering that is very powerful. The bond forged, the friendship forged by training together, running together, working hard and seeing each other as raw as you probably ever will makes for friendships that are much more real than the having beer after work ever will be. I think perhaps even comparable to those of childhood friendship.
If you come out to run with us, just to train, to run a few races, to do the big one in October, be ready. Be ready to learn about yourself. Be ready to know more about me than you really wanted to, see more than you wanted to. Be ready to work, to suffer, to grow, to achieve, to laugh, yell, grunt, fart, fight, push, be pushed, and become better than you've ever been. Most importantly be ready to make some lifelong friends.
I look forward to you coming out. It will probably not be what you expect but it will be everything you make it.
It will definitely be an experience I will cherish
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Motivation
"Hello? Are we running today or quitting? Either is fine with me."
That is the text I sent to my running partner Andre today. Did I really want to quit? Was I trying to push him a little bit? The answers I think are obvious. No, I don't really want to quit yet. Yes, I was goading him on. The thing is, the underlying truth is, at this point, this early, I wouldn't have minded quitting. Not too much. I needed him to tell me," HELL NO! WE ARE NOT QUITTING!" That is exactly what he did and I thank him, and when we got out there and ran better than we have, and yes I know it's still early, and we ran like we did the last time we attempted this, I felt great. It was an amazing workout and I felt strong, I felt young and I felt manly. I was glad I didn't quit.
The problem is, early on, anything you do, it is easy to give up. "I don't think I like this.", " This isn't what I signed on for.", " It's not what I expected.", " I don't really have time.","It's to HARD." We find excuses that we convince ourselves are reasons why we don't do something life changing. It's easier to our sense of ego when we can convince ourselves that the circumstances of our failure are out of our control. "I have school.", " I have kids.", " I work crazy hours.", " I was injured." A plethora of excuses so our failure isn't our fault, not a deficit of our character. Seldom do we admit to ourselves," I didn't do it because I wasn't willing to do the work." It is a question of motivation, a question of heart.
This morning when I woke up I did not want to run. Why? A number of REAL reasons. I was out late the night before. I was just a little hung over, just a little. I like doing nothing. I worried that it would make me late for work. Life happened, via text and it was overwhelming and depressing and I just wanted to go back to bed. Being a fat ass 42 year old is way easier than trying to get my life and my health in order. I didn't want to bother and, WOW, it's early on.
Early on is when most of us quit. We have little vested. It's not real. I'm just trying. We lose MOTIVATION. When we start things they seem like a good idea, and often they are. When we find out they may be work, we give up. Our enthusiasm doesn't match our determination. Most great ideas, no, ALL truly great ideas involve work or discomfort and usually both. People who wish they had done something generally are not willing to endure either.
While running today, which was great and just what this depressed body needed today, i reflected on why I didn't want to feel this great feeling of accomplishment and physical rush of endorphins. This is what I came up with. Sometimes things happen, whether beyond your control or as a result of past mistakes, that NOW are beyond your control, and they will steal your motivation. They REALLY do. You may fight depression. Life may just kick your ass. The question is, what am I doing in my life to AMPLIFY these feelings. Lack of sleep does not help you be more motivated. Even just a LITTLE hangover doesn't help you be motivated. I had eaten a big meal just before bed and woke up full. It didn't help.
The point is, it is hard to stay motivated. Life kicks our butts. It is harder when we do things that are counterproductive to the goals we have set for ourselves. Why do things that make it hard to achieve even the smallest of our daily goals? Our daily goals are what are needed to obtain our life goals. I am not saying to not drink. I'm not saying don't stay up and have fun or eat that big meal. What I am saying is do it at the RIGHT time. Don't do it the night before you train, have a big test, big day at work. You fill in your blank and your vice that steals your motivation and keeps you from achieving the life you want.
You are living the life you earned right now. Earn a better one.
As an afterthought, but it shouldn't be. Thank you again Andre for providing the motivation and the accountability today when I wasn't motivated to do what I really wanted to do. I didn't position myself to to be ready and you helped me push myself to continue when I could have remained apathetic instead.
That is the text I sent to my running partner Andre today. Did I really want to quit? Was I trying to push him a little bit? The answers I think are obvious. No, I don't really want to quit yet. Yes, I was goading him on. The thing is, the underlying truth is, at this point, this early, I wouldn't have minded quitting. Not too much. I needed him to tell me," HELL NO! WE ARE NOT QUITTING!" That is exactly what he did and I thank him, and when we got out there and ran better than we have, and yes I know it's still early, and we ran like we did the last time we attempted this, I felt great. It was an amazing workout and I felt strong, I felt young and I felt manly. I was glad I didn't quit.
The problem is, early on, anything you do, it is easy to give up. "I don't think I like this.", " This isn't what I signed on for.", " It's not what I expected.", " I don't really have time.","It's to HARD." We find excuses that we convince ourselves are reasons why we don't do something life changing. It's easier to our sense of ego when we can convince ourselves that the circumstances of our failure are out of our control. "I have school.", " I have kids.", " I work crazy hours.", " I was injured." A plethora of excuses so our failure isn't our fault, not a deficit of our character. Seldom do we admit to ourselves," I didn't do it because I wasn't willing to do the work." It is a question of motivation, a question of heart.
This morning when I woke up I did not want to run. Why? A number of REAL reasons. I was out late the night before. I was just a little hung over, just a little. I like doing nothing. I worried that it would make me late for work. Life happened, via text and it was overwhelming and depressing and I just wanted to go back to bed. Being a fat ass 42 year old is way easier than trying to get my life and my health in order. I didn't want to bother and, WOW, it's early on.
Early on is when most of us quit. We have little vested. It's not real. I'm just trying. We lose MOTIVATION. When we start things they seem like a good idea, and often they are. When we find out they may be work, we give up. Our enthusiasm doesn't match our determination. Most great ideas, no, ALL truly great ideas involve work or discomfort and usually both. People who wish they had done something generally are not willing to endure either.
While running today, which was great and just what this depressed body needed today, i reflected on why I didn't want to feel this great feeling of accomplishment and physical rush of endorphins. This is what I came up with. Sometimes things happen, whether beyond your control or as a result of past mistakes, that NOW are beyond your control, and they will steal your motivation. They REALLY do. You may fight depression. Life may just kick your ass. The question is, what am I doing in my life to AMPLIFY these feelings. Lack of sleep does not help you be more motivated. Even just a LITTLE hangover doesn't help you be motivated. I had eaten a big meal just before bed and woke up full. It didn't help.
The point is, it is hard to stay motivated. Life kicks our butts. It is harder when we do things that are counterproductive to the goals we have set for ourselves. Why do things that make it hard to achieve even the smallest of our daily goals? Our daily goals are what are needed to obtain our life goals. I am not saying to not drink. I'm not saying don't stay up and have fun or eat that big meal. What I am saying is do it at the RIGHT time. Don't do it the night before you train, have a big test, big day at work. You fill in your blank and your vice that steals your motivation and keeps you from achieving the life you want.
You are living the life you earned right now. Earn a better one.
As an afterthought, but it shouldn't be. Thank you again Andre for providing the motivation and the accountability today when I wasn't motivated to do what I really wanted to do. I didn't position myself to to be ready and you helped me push myself to continue when I could have remained apathetic instead.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
a little meet and greet
It was suggested that a blog may also be a good idea so here I am. This will blog will be a companion to our Facebook page Running after our Youth, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Running-after-our-Youth/347607825261137. This is not an organization trying to help kids through running, this is about the attempt of two guys, one in his 30's and one in his 40's, trying to make their lives better through running and exercise, more specifically by training for the 2012 Chicago Marathon. Some content will be the same, some similar, and some unique. Here I will discuss how training for the marathon is progressing, how we/I are feeling, diet, exercise routines, races, successes, failures, and little motivational ideas and tools we/I have or use.
I can't promise I will always be interesting or stay on point but I will do my best to be honest, forth-coming and genuine in the content posted. You probably won't read anything here that hasn't been said before. It will just be in my voice. I hope the familiarity of experience will help make the content more interesting and as this continues both the reader and I will find a little motivation, a little joy, and see two fat middle age guys, get it together and become healthier individuals in body, spirit, and lives.
After the first week the best thing to come out of it other than the fact that it is finally underway, is that we have a ton of support from family and friends. We/I are still eating and/or drinking too much still but we are mindful. Changes to diet and habits are already being made. We feel this real and we haven't felt that way in a while. We have been running twice now, three miles each time although not without walking. The first time it felt great to be on The Lakeshore Running Trail. The second time, I hated it. I was sore, I was angry, and I was grateful for my running partner Andre. I would have already quit if he wasn't there to help me keep going, I strongly suggest a partner in whatever goals you set in life. The right one can help you keep going or start again when you fall and want to quit. Now, don't think that when the run, and the suck of the run, was over that it wasn't worth it. It paid off tremendously. Not only did we feel great physically, we didn't feel quitters, we felt like winners, like doers. That was huge and the biggest thing I got out of the week
We will not win the Chicago Marathon. It is highly unlikely we will ever become elite runners. I probably never qualify for the Boston Marathon. What I will do, is become someone who follows through, works hard towards his goal, overcomes setbacks, and finishes, finishes his race.
thanks,
John
I can't promise I will always be interesting or stay on point but I will do my best to be honest, forth-coming and genuine in the content posted. You probably won't read anything here that hasn't been said before. It will just be in my voice. I hope the familiarity of experience will help make the content more interesting and as this continues both the reader and I will find a little motivation, a little joy, and see two fat middle age guys, get it together and become healthier individuals in body, spirit, and lives.
After the first week the best thing to come out of it other than the fact that it is finally underway, is that we have a ton of support from family and friends. We/I are still eating and/or drinking too much still but we are mindful. Changes to diet and habits are already being made. We feel this real and we haven't felt that way in a while. We have been running twice now, three miles each time although not without walking. The first time it felt great to be on The Lakeshore Running Trail. The second time, I hated it. I was sore, I was angry, and I was grateful for my running partner Andre. I would have already quit if he wasn't there to help me keep going, I strongly suggest a partner in whatever goals you set in life. The right one can help you keep going or start again when you fall and want to quit. Now, don't think that when the run, and the suck of the run, was over that it wasn't worth it. It paid off tremendously. Not only did we feel great physically, we didn't feel quitters, we felt like winners, like doers. That was huge and the biggest thing I got out of the week
We will not win the Chicago Marathon. It is highly unlikely we will ever become elite runners. I probably never qualify for the Boston Marathon. What I will do, is become someone who follows through, works hard towards his goal, overcomes setbacks, and finishes, finishes his race.
thanks,
John
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